My roommates designed above picture in the frame and gave it to me for my 24th birthday present. In the picture frame, it says 'carpe shipem'. It is a phrase from Latin meaning "seize the day" and living the moment in your life. I perceived the meaning of the word right when I heard from my roomate. However, I found myself not applying this beautiful message to my life until today.
Looking back and thinking about it, I don't think I have ever slept ever since I got into the college. Yesterday, I had a such a long sleep, when I woke up, my body felt extremely tired and everything seemed empty.
I have recently experienced overwhelming attention in my life that I have never desired for. I was extremely overwhelmed that I had a moment to give up everything in my life. However, I believe Jesus saved my life at my last moment because there are so many options available to you if you have made a decision to fold over yourself.
I have wondered why I have been chosen to go through this hard moment in my life and prayed to Jesus various times why I am going through this challenging flop on my life.
Today, I was working at my job as usual. Recently, I had overwhelming amount of work at my job all the sudden. Ironically, I got my daily tasks done a little early. I went to eat lunch, get some massage on my body, relaxed myself a bit, watched children playing around in the mall, watched beautiful sky, took a deep breath, and came back to work and thought about why I am working in the office at this moment. Everything I was responsible for was finished so why should I be in the office? Why can't I just go outside and whatever the hell I want?
I thought about myself and trying to figure out what I can do to enjoy in the meantime. I first figured out how I can possibly contribute my developers in the team by working extra amount of time which I got done fairly quickly. I honestly felt really good because I feel like I was finally be able to contribute something extra to the development team rather than working 8 hours straight, being lazy about myself, and just get things done like a machine.
I then forgot about work as I have no obligation or given tasks to continue. I then wondered what would be the first step to benefit more people other than people working in the office. Looking back and thinking about it, I had suffered so much in the past living on my own, working towards my future that I had always dreamed - best car, best job, beautiful girl friend, and etc. Those were so important to me and I had amazing amount of passion on various different things I enjoy in my life and I honestly felt it's reaching and I can accomplish that faster than other people. However, I decided to set all these aside and have a moment to think about what would be really is important in my life if I can only live a day.
I finally decided to accept myself that I desire a lot of different things in my life, instead of turning myself in a miserable mode and thinking about future life, I have decided to not to be sad about my life, worrying about tomorrow, or what the hell would happen if I do something. I simply decided to accept everything happening in my life and cope thorough with it regardless of the outcome.
I instantly felt extreme amount of stress going off of my brain and became happy. I am not sure if I will feel happy or sad tomorrow but since I am not a machine, I decided to forgive myself being sad, happy, or whatever but just stay positive on myself and use self discipline and patience not to lose self control.
I believe we all facet different types of challenging moments in our life and the question is how we perceive these different challenging moments in our life. I have decided to use my intuition to figure out what exactly is going on and deal positively instead of being negative and doubtful about myself, other people, or getting frustrated about the situation.
Just being careless about the current circumstance with controlled mind set was a simple key to my happiness. I strongly believe this is the soul that Jesus has given me while coping through my hard time and I will use my best judgment to protect this great freedom in my life so that I can truly 'carpe shipem' in my life with the people I love regardless of the law, money, perception of other people, and future life.
